I’m trying sayang. Abang cuba
I regret us arguing like this and I hope we can rewind. I want you to continue to seek comfort in me because I know I will seek comfort in you. I will try to be better. I want us to be there for each other, and for that we both need to improve our communication style and comprehension. We both are not perfect and we’re trying.
I know LDR is difficult, but were a strong couple, inshaaAllah by Allah’s grace we can overcome anything. just need to fight for it and appreciate and see what the other partner is doing. Reciprocity, love, care, respect and acceptance must be required on both of us. I want you to know that just because lately I don’t send you flowers, or I don’t send you foodpanda/grabfood doesn’t mean that I don’t love you or ‘put in effort’. I don’t want you to think that and assume because i haven’t done it lately it means that i think of you ‘less’. I don’t want our relationship to be based on ‘materialistic’ duniawi things too much because what if nauzubillah one day i’m broke or one day i’m sick, or we face financial hardship, our love cannot solely be based on materialistic things every single time. it needs to be beyond that.
I just fear that you assume just because i don’t send you flowers or order food for you like before you think that means i don’t think of you or that we are ‘distant’ LDR. you don’t know what sort of financial situation i’m going through, what i’m preparing for you here, you don’t know that. you don’t know what i’m going through. I care about you through other ways, like i listen to your stories, i read your messages, i see your photos, and i call you and talk to you.
I try, i try, and i try, tried calling you but you have to meet me both ways. when I call you sometimes it feels like i’m talking to a wall… it feels like i’m always carrying the conversations. so i don’t know what else to do… i’m trying my best. especially those long ‘pauses’ where i’m always forced to keep starting new conversations otherwise i just feel like what’s the point i’m even calling…
Even to the extent i cancelled my original plans to have a phone detox for a week because i’m thinking about you. I end up doing the opposite, messaging you every morning, and calling you. But sadly you don’t see it… i hope that you saw that i changed my policy because i couldnt bear thinking of doing complete phone blackout detox because you might assume i don’t care about you when i do. so i say one thing but end up doing another thing because i want to keep in touch with you still inspite of my due date pressure and work etc.
I know LDR is tough but i’m trying. I hope you can try ‘hard’ too and carry on insightful engaging conversations with me. I know you’ve been trying as well and i deeply sincerely appreciate that. I need you to see that I have and understand and put yourself in my shoes as well.
I’m trying to make it work, need to be both ways. We can try harder. I’m trying to be a good husband, while you, try to be a good wife. Its a big effort, its not easy, may Allah assist us.
If we want to win everytime and not back down, then we will be in constant argument and bickering. One of us has got to back down. we have to learn to take turns. Not good for our mental health and relationship. That’s why I’m backing down and lowering my ego, even though my concerns about lately I feel like I’m talking to a lifeless wall are real and conversations feel one-sided… which got me upset because you say you feel distant but yet i’ve been calling you everyday lately but you speak oneliners, that part confused me. My importance of prioritizing this relationship is important so hence why i’m apologising for hurting you.
I’m doing this for lillahitaala, with good intentions, with positive determination and commitment, for you, in hopes that we can learn from this and accept each other and our flaws and learn to ‘give and take’ as well as tolerate and care for each other’s feelings and perspective. As a future husband it pains me when my future wife says hurtful things to me, it impacts me greatly and I pray to Allah to protect me from hurtful words and would not want my future wife to experience the same thing.
Especially hurtful when you say things like “you don’t have what it takes…”. “im not training another man to understand women….” “im not putting in time and effort to teach you”… “get a book or something”. how can a wife say such things? what does all of these statements tell me? we can never take these statements back. its very hurtful, especially when were in the early stage of relationship. it brings me back memories of you womensplaining over me throwing my jersey and forcing me to change clothes and telling me off in front of the saleswomen, breaking my aib of future husband in front of people, and slamming the car door. it’s deeply ingrained in me and i try had to forget but it keeps cropping up so i’m trying my best to forget it every single time, because it’s not normal.
i hope we can try to talk to each other more about this because it requires teamwork and reconciliation to fully move on and address underlying issues of communication, acceptance and tolerance. i’m reaching out with an olive branch and hopeful optimism because lillahitaala my intentions are just trying to be the best i can be in a relationship, to seek peace and love and to better understand you. this takes time, and we have to be patient with each other. we are both learning.
Alhamdulillah Allah gave me the courage and strength to overcome and face this, I hope you can open your heart as well and do the same for me. Open your heart as well to forgive me and accept my flaws as i do for you. We have a long way to go, but it’s a team effort, i can’t do it alone.
With sincerest deep respect, admiration, and most importantly, profound love,
Your number 1 fan, lover, and husband,
Abang HD <3